3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
