Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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