Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize