I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I'm passing your future prison.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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