i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
