If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
