Kareoke will never be a sober sport
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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