sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
