He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
