Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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