the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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