will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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