ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
