Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
