i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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