I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize