it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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