I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
