I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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