What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I think weed is turning my hair brown
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
