The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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