is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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