You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
