1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
