Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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