Walk of Shame. In a state park.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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