Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
