I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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