Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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