meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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