literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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