Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
