i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize