but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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