Moan for me like Helen Keller
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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