not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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