Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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