I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
