bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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