Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
