fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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