I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
