I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
