You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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