recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
