she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
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