dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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