I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize