I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
