You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He better not be in your backpack
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
