I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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