We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
