Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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