Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
and i looked up. we had an audience...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
