I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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