i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
