im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
