I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
