Michael Bay diarrhea
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
