forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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