and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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