R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
