Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
