My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
