super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
