Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize