We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
