Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
