Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
