So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
