Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
