if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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