This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
