I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
