life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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