It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
