Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
